the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
