the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
