I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize