Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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