bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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