Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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