u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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