and you said cock pushups were impossible
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
