Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
