Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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