I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
