like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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