I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
