She's JV to your varsity
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
