I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
please come you make the beer taste better
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
