HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i drank out of a bidet.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
