It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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