I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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