pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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