Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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