just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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