i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Found your dick twin last night
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
