4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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