I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
