Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
