I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
