Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
