He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
where does the pee come out of this thing
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
