it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
