You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
