he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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