She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
