I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
