it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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