i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
