you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize