Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
