not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I think your dad took our porno
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
