i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
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