Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
