If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
