I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
