I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
