on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
