If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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