i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
