he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
