Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
