All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
