you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
