"it" just moved
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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