Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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