haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
