i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
