His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
