I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
