So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
