and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
