So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
