I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
