i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
