So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Randomize
