You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
