dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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