God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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