....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
