I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize