We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
