I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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