totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
