I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
