Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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